


i'll be staring at the sky

by statusquo_ergo



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Introspection, POV Second Person, Pre-Slash, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 21:36:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/statusquo_ergo/pseuds/statusquo_ergo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When John asks Sherlock to be his best man, Sherlock realizes he may not have handled the Reichenbach matter as well as he'd thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll be staring at the sky

“You’re my best friend.”

 

What?

 

_You’re my best friend._

 

Say it again.

 

No.

 

_Apologize._

 

No.

 

You apologized? You apologized. You apologized for lying. You, he, you’ve been together for a long time, _he knows my methods,_ surely he would understand, surely, _it’s a magic trick…_

 

Is it possible?

 

Is it possible you were _wrong?_

 

He didn’t understand.

 

He…didn’t understand?

 

But he must have, he must have understood. Because the last thing, the _last_ thing you wanted to do, the last thing you _ever_ want to do is **hurt him,** and if he didn’t understand, if he really didn’t, then—

 

It hadn’t mattered then, it shouldn’t matter now, it was all so self-serving, the phone call, the words, the promises, the words, the tears, the phone call, _all of it,_ because you knew it then and you know it now that you were never, will never be, **were never going to be** his most important person, you can never be to him all that he is to you and so it doesn’t matter, it didn’t matter, sorry for the inconvenience but this is how it has to be you don’t mind putting your life on hold for a little while please I’d appreciate it very much.

 

 _You’re my best friend_.

 

Is it—is it—

 

There is a line, a line that he has shown you, a line just this side of acquaintance just this side of companion just this side of friend just the edge of _beloved_ where people are placed sometimes in others’ minds in their “hearts” in their “souls” in whatever fictitious place is invented is being used for precious thoughts and tender feelings, a line that you know about that you have heard stories of but never thought you would be _walking_ never thought anyone would _put you there_ and now he _has_ and

 

and then.

 

And then you have a job to do.

 

You have a job to do.

 

You have to keep him from harm.

 

You can’t do that no one can do that that’s a silly thing to say a foolish thing to think an impossible goal to place before yourself no one can possibly protect anyone from _everything_ but your job is a little bit simpler than that because your job is one you **can** do you only have to—

 

Don’t hurt him.

 

You didn’t you didn’t or at least you didn’t think so you were sure you didn’t you hadn’t you _couldn’t_ you would _never—_

 

You did.

 

_You did._

 

But you never meant to you never _meant_ to surely that counts for _something—_

 

**Two. Years.**

 

Can pass in the blink of an eye as they say but you know better than anyone

 

( _maybe not anyone_ )

 

how it can drag along it can feel so much longer when something is missing when something is wrong, when you don’t have anything to do when you too are bored and alone well then how does it feel inside your head how slow is the world moving around you _how does it feel?_

 

_I was so alone, and I owe you so much._

 

**You could say the same to him.**

 

(You won’t.)

 

How to make it up to him, is there even a way, is there anything you can do anything at all _even the smallest detail_ is it even _possible—_

 

You will do anything and everything

 

to make him happy

 

because that is what he deserves.

 

You will say yes.

 

You will say yes.

 

You will watch in silence.

 

And you will say nothing because

 

 _his happiness_ (not yours)

 

is the most important thing

 

and it always has been

 

 _and you need to apologize_ (but you don’t have the words) so what to do, what to do, what to _do…_

 

Obviously.

 

_Smile pretty now._

_This is important._

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Somebody to Die For" by Hurts.


End file.
